There’s a horrible taste on the breeze at the moment.
I can’t quite define it, but it’s negative and dark and leaving broken fragments wherever it touches.
It came before the Paris attacks, but even stronger now.
Relationships around me right now are breaking, fragmenting. My own came quite close to losing something precious.
But more – others.
Messages in my inbox of despair. Help me.
Judgements made.
Self-righteousness.
Fear.
Death of feelings, emotions.
Confusion. Knowing which way to turn.
Knowing which way is right and wrong.
Things that once felt good, now feeling uncomfortable and like they no longer fit, glass slippers shattered.
Yet at the same time – this energy appears to have a double edge. Because all negativity has to come with positivity, right.
God, nature, universal law-
After darkness comes light.
and even in the darkness- beautiful breakthroughs.
Revelations.
Growth.
Understanding.
Change.
Hope within the heartache.
But what to do if right now –
You are experiencing the darkness.
Loss, lack, fear, hopelessness, sadness, grief, confusion, despair.
How do you move past that to focus on things that seem almost irrelevant.
‘Business’. ‘Clients’. ‘Dreams’.
How do you move towards these things, when all of a sudden your wings have been taken from you and you feel more like crawling than flying?
When society is breaking down, relationships are breaking down, business is failing, YOU- feel close or possibly are breaking down, you aren’t quite sure.
1- Decide where you want to be. I realised recently that some people – despite on the outside appearing to be enlightened about so many things – life, wealth, society, creation, reflection- lacked something far more essential – real Love, compassion for others in their own quest for inner realisation. When did we lose it? When did who we are become MORE important than what we do?
I know, concretely, that I want to sit on the side of the fence that doesn’t perpetuate negativity, claims it for it’s own purpose, concentrates on deletion and erosion. But instead I want to aim (even though I will always fall) to see light, growth, and LOVE – for others.
When you know where you want to be – how you truly want to live out your everyday reality – then you get to erase a little of the confusion about how you should feel or act. Once you start to erase the confusion, it’s like lifting a little of the cloud which hangs over everything you do / say / create / think.
Where do you want to be?
2- Forgive continuously. I experienced real hurt this weekend when someone I had been working with for the best part of a year suddenly deleted me from Facebook and stopped replying to my messages, literally within minutes. I invest my heart and soul into almost everyone I work with, to the best of my ability, and I am deeply invested in both their personal and professional journeys.
So I was truly gutted when this happened, not to mention confused. But because I had previously decided where I stand on the negativity swirling around right now, I chose instead to not focus on the hurt and instead chose to send love, light, and positive vibes to that person, and forgiveness. That’s not me being pious or holier or better than anyone else, it’s just how I chose to cope with it in a way that left me feeling positive, not sitting in a hole feeling sorry for myself.
but forgiveness is one of the hardest qualities to possess and to use, especially if you’re not quite ready to forgive. Let’s be clear – forgive, does not mean forget. It’s ok to NOT forget, but try to forgive, and I think so many of us think we have to expect others just to MOVE ON – when actually, hurt lingers- and that is ok.
3- Forget, just for a minute, the big dream. We so often beat ourselves up if we aren’t massively over achieving in EVERYTHING, we forget to celebrate the small wins properly, we forget that when things seem overwhelming that it is ok – just for a minute- to not focus on making a million dollars, or having a six fig business, on having a dream life, or living out a dream day.
When shiz really hits the fan, it can be hard to even put one foot in front of the other, let alone think about anything else.
So, do that then.
Because for that day at least, all you need to do and think about is putting one foot in front of the other. And that’s ok. If you’ve been knocked for six what’s the point in trying to reach for something that feels so utterly unbelievable right now all it does is leave you feeling even more overwhelmed and in despair?
If something doesn’t feel truly good or right to you- don’t do it! You don’t HAVE to continuously PUSH and challenge yourself. Sometimes you NEED to indulge and tell yourself that actually, it’s ok, just for now, to be where you are, and then take baby steps toward the next slightly better feeling emotion or action. And then the next, and the next, and the next, until you’re back on level ground and ready to fly again.
4. Have everything. But in contrast to the above. For those of you NOT going through MASSIVE negativity but perhaps just that unsettled feeling that comes along with seeing others around you breakdown, or going through hard times or just feeling slightly off balance –
Something that has been really frustrating me lately has been my health. Probably like every other Mother out there, I put EVERYTHING before my own needs when it comes to my health. My kids, my business, my marriage, my home, walking the dog – all comes before self-care.
Yep, some days I don’t even shower and my hair is the biggest fan of dry shampoo that you’ll ever meet.
I know, right.
Don’t mention the E-word. We live two minutes from an on-site beautiful luxury spa and gym and do I use it?
What do you think.
And so this growing frustration at having all of my life together APART FROM THAT MOST IMPORTANT OF THINGS – has led me to this realisation –
I didn’t believe I could have everything.
I don’t believe I can have EVERYTHING – killer business marriage kids parenting house AND my health too????
Holding myself back and LETTING instead, the feelings of frustration and resentment and that NEGATIVITY grow and fester and start to affect other things!
I can’t work in the afternoons because I’m too tired. I binge on caffeine because I need more energy. I hide myself in shapeless clothes and lose a ton of confidence in the meantime which then effects my marriage because I don’t feel super sexy. I torment myself with thoughts of cancer which runs in my family yet I do NOTHING other than eat organic to try to prevent it.
I know, right? Crazy.
When all I have to do is get my ass to the gym or at least out walking the poor dog, but yet I haven’t been able to do it because I don’t believe I DESERVE it all!
And this is the thing.
Happiness? which, by the way, is a productive emotion which we can USE in our business and life as a positive energising force which propels us forward, in the same way negativity holds us back and causes stagnation –
Happiness comes when we choose to have it.
I’ve chosen not to exercise because I didn’t believe it was possible to have EVERYTHING I ever wanted. Thank you, Media, for perpetuating the myth that only SUPERWOMEN can have it all, not just normal people like us. Like you have to be permanently exhausted / a bad parent / trying to always hold everything together / if you have it all.
And now I am choosing to believe that we can have everything we want. It’s what I preach after all, so now it’s time to put it into practice.
And so often then,
This negativity that is lingering around?
It sucks to realise you have invited it to come in, or to linger.
So what is your limiting belief right now that you are holding on to? Do you truly believe that you can have it all –
The relationships
The business
The abundance
The health
The happiness
The whatever else it is you desire
WITHOUT having to compromise somewhere else?
Do you really BELIEVE it is possible for you, or – just like me- do you believe that SOMETHING always has to be broken in order for something else to really WORK????
Like there HAS to be darkness, somehow?
And maybe there does.
But if you believe you can control and limit it
Then you get to choose how much it affects you, how much it affects your business, how you get to respond, and you effectively get to perform damage limitation on your own business + life.
At this time of year, when we are counting our blessings, that is today what I am thankful for – that despite the darkness, the quite frank STORMS of utter BS and helplessness raining around us right now, however bad it gets –
We always get to choose light, even if it’s just a crack to begin with.
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