Editor's Letters

She was three weeks old. Tiny, delicate, still curled up and seashell-pale-pink.

I looked down at her and wanted to never leave her side.

She was the ONLY one I wanted to be with.

Instead, I handed her over. I handed her back to my husband and watched him drive off, and even though I was stood side by side with my second shooter, who is also a good friend, and I was shortly to be surrounded by over 200 people, I felt alone.

And I feel it now.

The same ache, the same loneliness.

Do you feel it? How despite being around even an entire LOAD of people, you still feel that same ache?

And before you write off this post as a bunch of useless and self-indulgent witterings. Like there aren’t enough problems on this earth so much more serious than some indulgent photographer sat in on her island-ivory-tower, moaning about how bloody LONELY she is.

I know.

Don’t I bloody know. 

Which is part of the problem isn’t it?

That we shouldn’t even feel this way. 

The thing is,

we can’t help it.

We were BORN this way.

Well, I definitely was. I was never an extrovert. I always preferred my own company, I was the child who preferred the folk of the faraway tree to any semblance of real life normality, and so for the main part, that’s where you’d find me. Not stuck up the flipping faraway tree, of course, but with my head in a book, despite continual protests from my Mother to go outside and get some fresh air.

I had no desire for that.

I just wanted to fill my mind with words, with knowledge, with escapism, with romance, with daydreams.

Not much changed as I got older, and my mum affectionately told me on several occasions that we were very much like Saffy and Eddy from Absolutely Fabulous, which I used to hate, because hey, what kid wants to be the nerd?

Even nerds don’t want to be nerds.

Until nerds became cool and then over the past few years I’ve actually become quite proud of my introversion, I mean it’s not like I’m a bloody recluse don’t get me wrong, I just don’t get energy from being around other people. 

But this also means

That just because I am an introvert

Because I don’t love huge crowds of people

Because I prefer staying in to going out

Because sometimes parties and big events literally scare me, I mean I get so nervous I get butterflies and feel sick

Just because I am an introvert, that doesn’t mean I don’t ever feel lonely.

So like today.

I have a friend staying with us for three weeks, my brother-in-law arrived today, I’ve spent some time with our incredibly happy and bubbly toddlers and chatted briefly to our babysitter. I’ve also attended a group hangout with my mentor in Bali and some other incredible businesswomen from around the world, and hung out for a time in the FPA incredible membership group.

But still, I feel it.

Doesn’t mean we don’t get lonely. 

And it’s perhaps not the loneliness of even being alone tonight. Despite my husband asking me repeatedly if I minded if they all went out to the cinema, because ‘well, you’d planned to work anyway?’

and yes, I had, but that’s not the point.

The point is,

Nobody seems to get it, do they?

Nobody seems to understand what it’s like to run their own business.

Not family.

Not friends.

Only my online friends and comrades, which incredible as those bonds are, it’s not like they can pick you up and give you a hug it it?

And to be honest, I don’t think I’d want one anyway.

To be honest when I shoot weddings I LIKE the loneliness, the being quite happily by myself behind a camera all day and in fact I’d prefer it if you DIDN’T speak to me, especially not to tell me that you’re a photographer too and to ask what lens I’m using.

Dear Lord. Do I come to your desk during your work day and ask for tips on how to become a computer programmer or whatever it is that you do? No, no I do not.

And it’s not because I’m unsocial, or hate people, as my husband used to think.

I LOVE people. I really do. And I absolutely LOVE helping other photographers. (And I’m bloody good at it)

But there is a time and a place for everything. And when I’m in full flow at a wedding and my introvert senses are already on overdrive at best and at worst giving me a migraine that I know is going to wipe me out the next day because large crowds literally exhaust me, that is not the time. 

But why am I telling you this if I don’t want your help? If I don’t want the comments that reassure me that you are here, listening, reading every word that I say, because I know you very kindly will want to tell me – please don’t feel alone! I’m here! because that’s the kind of person I have reading the FPA.

I’m telling you this-

Because I know how it feels to feel alone.

And especially as a female entrepreneur

As a photographer

Creative

Businesswoman

Whatever it is that you do that involves a huge part of your day hustling your game up and sat at your laptop and not only not seeing people but actually having REAL and MEANINGFUL connections with them and

whatever you call yourself

I know what the ache feels like. 

It feels like

Although you can be surrounded by people

You’ll still feel alone. 

Although you can meet literally and virtually, thousands of people in one day

You will still have moments when you feel so bloody ALONE!

Like this big hole inside of you exists and what it means is not that you want to be surrounded by people

Because that’s just NOISE

But you want just one person to tell you

I GET IT.

I know what it’s like.

To stay up until 3am working.

To work all weekend.

To have best friends and incredible relationships that are made and lived out, online.

To struggle.

To survive.

To make it.

To make it gloriously.

And even when you have faith and you have GOD to talk to

To KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO still have that feeling.

A feeling like you couldn’t explain how it feels even if you tried, and you’d not sure if you’d want to bother to try anyway because, well, nobody else would get it would they?

Because you aren’t complaining. You wouldn’t change anything.

Who knows, I think sometimes I even ENJOY the loneliness. It’s not like I try to do anything about it. In fact I moved us a thousand miles to a mediterranean island where we knew NOBODY so I probably even do the exact opposite of what I should be doing if I didn’t want to feel like this.

And maybe feeling this way is a GOOD sign, like perhaps you just simply can’t have success without it, who knows?

What I do know is, sometimes, you need to know this.

That somebody else other than you and the folk of the faraway tree

GET IT.

So this post is for you.

It’s not a hug. It’s not meant to make you feel incredible or like there is some bloody SOLUTION, like a 3 step pathway to becoming less introvert.

Bugger that. Most of the time, I LOVE being an introvert. Hiding behind my camera, writing my blog, doing my creative thing and living out my purpose freely, beautifully, caught in that creative flow where time seems to stand still.

But sometimes

when that hole opens up (and it isn’t often)

sometimes you just need somebody to say

this feeling will pass.

Just like you know it will,

but by exchanging those words.

This post.

this feeling,

this emotion.

You know

that somebody, somewhere, understands.

I get it. 

And it’s not about pity or compassion or empathy or sympathy or any of those things, it’s simply standing shoulder to shoulder by your side and saying to you, right here and now-

listen. 

I understand. 

I feel it too. Not now, not always, but I know what you mean, because, 

I get it. 

And that’s it. 

And it’s not meant to cure or fix or help it’s simply meant to BE

Because as introverts OR extroverts or businesswomen or photographers or creatives, as any and all of those things

The BEST if not the ONLY way

of handling that emptiness

That hole

That darkness

Is sometimes just

To sit in it for a while

and just, BE.

And it’s not melancholic or narcissistic or sad or unhappy, it’s literally just existing in that space for a while, accepting it, and knowing that even if you feel it, you’re not alone.

And that’s why I wrote this post, for those of you that feel the same, those of you who understand.

I wrote this for you. 

Hey, guess what- did I ever tell you how great my life is? Come on, I am sure I have done.  You know, it goes a little like this – photographer gets fully booked, makes great money, writes a book, husband joins wife in business, they all move to a dream island in the sun, found a membership site, maybe pop out a few more books, and then photographer works their butt off at trying to help other photographers to achieve their fabulous life too?

Oh wait – let me think about that. Yeah, I think I did tell you!

In fact, I think you are probably sick of hearing about how great my life is.

In fact, I think you quite possible think the fact I am mentoring other photographers is a bit of a joke. Hey, I’m certainly no Elizabeth Messina.  What’s so great about ME? What makes ME think I can mentor other photographers? And even more than that, what makes me think I can teach OTHER photographers to mentor other photographers, or to write books? Or hey, even maybe just make a SUCCESS of their business?

OMG WAIT. Your brain cells just exploded-

IS THIS SHINING LIGHTS PROGRAM SOME CRAZY KIND OF SCHEME WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO SPEND ALL OF YOUR MONEY ONLY TO BE TOLD JUST LIKE I TELL EVERY OTHER PHOTOGRAPHER IN THE PROGRAM THAT HEY- YOU TOO CAN WRITE A BOOK + LIVE A DREAM LIFE IN THE SUN? OR perhaps you might be told YOU TOO SHOULD MENTOR OTHER PHOTOGRAPHERS? Lord knows, like there aren’t enough photography ‘mentors’ in the world, right. It’s like a new one pops up every minute, blabbering about how great they are on facebook or in my inbox. Eugh, mentors. They’re like the new cockroach, always crawling around popping up where you least expect them, bragging about how nuclear-proof they are. Smug little roaches. Who do they think they are.

I have no idea about cockroaches. But let me tell you who I am, and why I want you to stop reading the FPA.

If you are concerned with ANY of the above being even slightly true- you know the bit about where I talk about – hey! you can write a book too! and be just like me! –

If you are worried that in your inbox, or on these pages, and VERY DEFINITELY within the Shining Lights Programme you might receive the frankly absurd suggestion about HEY- GET WRITING THAT BOOK OR COURSE OR MENTORING SESSIONS? (I mean, what a ludicrous idea. Sharing your gifts with the world).

GUESS WHAT.

You’re absolutely right it’s like that over in the Shining Lights program. Absolutely, one hundred per cent.

So you might as well stop reading right now. Or you can carry on reading the rest of this post, either way- you probably aren’t going to enjoy what comes next as your mind is already made up, so take my advice and STOP READING. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Am I going to encourage a thousand other photographers to also write a book? Am I encouraging a thousand other photographers to hold mentoring sessions?

What do you think. If I believe that a photographer has a gift and a talent to share, and that their life could benefit tremendously from sharing that information, what on earth do you think I am going to tell them??

‘Oh no darling. Don’t you dare go try anything of the kind. In fact, you sit right there where you belong. In that box labelled ‘photographer’ and don’t dare think about trying to climb out’. Accompanied by head pat.

Like I said, you are reading the wrong blog.

Because it is my absolutely belief that we are put on this earth for far MORE than for our giftS and talentS (plural, in case you didn’t get the S) to be pigeonholed and labelled and be told that’s the best that we should hope for.  That right now, what we are doing is enough.

I also have an ABUNDANCE MENTALITY.

So what if one thousand other photographers go and write a book??? If it provides them with a chance of creating a passive income stream that enables them to a) not be reliant on bookings for theirs or their families survival b) enables them to fulfill a life-long dream c) informs, inspired, or educates other photographers into growing and empowering their businesses too,

then do you really think I am going to sit there and tell them no? Because what, heaven forbid – another photographer might also be creating a book? or offering mentoring sessions?

Please tell me you are kidding. Please tell me that you really don’t believe the world is too small to support the weight of one thousand more books. Or one thousand more mentors and coaches. Please tell me that you think that people don’t need more encouragement, inspiration, or support, from somebody who truly believes in them + their potential?

You see, this is where you are going wrong. Not in just your assumptions, but probably in your business too.

You can’t see the unique beauty in everyone like I can. Because if you did, you wouldn’t for a second be worried about what everyone else is busy creating.

I’m going to bring it down to base level for you. Babies. Purely because I love them and like to talk about them whenever I can. (You might not like that either).

The other day, my baby girls were playing with crayons. Summer held up a crayon and I said to her – Sumi, what colour is that? She replied ‘pink!’ I showed the crayon to Istria. Istria, what colour is this? I asked her. And she told me ‘red’. The colour was actually a kind of dark salmon pink, but in Istria’s mind it is red and in Summer’s mind it is pink.

ONE THOUSAND PEOPLE COULD WRITE A BOOK ON THE EXACT SAME SUBJECT AND STILL NO TWO BOOKS WOULD BE THE SAME.

So if you are wondering whether the Shining Lights Programme is like a big factory, churning out photographers with the same aims and the same dreams and basically to create a whole raft of mini-mes following the same formula > bookings > book > workshops > mentoring >dream life which will probably collapse like a house of cards when everyone realises that HEY! they aren’t me after all, and are frankly useless at anything other than taking pictures, and so that is ultimately what they go back to doing…

Then I will tell you this.

The FPA isn’t here to tell people what to do. It’s a guide. The title kind of gives it away ‘Shining Lights’… you know… lights kind of show people the way, if you didn’t get that part either.

And what the program does is ENABLE people to recognise and create their OWN pathway to success – whatever that pathway looks like for them, whatever that ultimate destination of ‘success’ looks like.

And here is another thing.

I don’t believe there is one pathway that we all could follow. Just like the thousand people creating the same book, and creating something different, I believe we all have a unique purpose and place on this earth.

Photography is one reflection of who we are, and who we are meant to serve.  But that’s not ALL that we are and ALL that we are meant to do, always, forever, the end.

Our journeys change and evolve. We MAY teach others, we MAY create books, we MIGHT go and create graphics or mentoring programs or courses or workshops and each and every one of those things will look different when they bloom because they come from INSIDE OF US.

They stem from WHO WE ARE. They spring from our true purpose, the reason we are placed here, right here upon this earth. They spring from our energies, our passions, our desires, our heart + minds.

So it wouldn’t matter even if I did create such a winning formula such as give X photographer A and they create B (for book) and end up at Z (millionaire).

No route taken by each person that I work with will ever look the same.

And that’s what I am proud to create, and proud to be a part of.  That’s what we recognise and support over in Shining Lights.

Do you know what my soul purpose is? And it took me years of work to uncover this and when I found out I cried for hours and then I was still and calm in a way I have never been before. I felt as luminous as the sea seen from my balcony after a storm. (Yep, that’s another one of those dream-life references that you just don’t seem sure about. I mean, it’s just too good to be true, right).

I realised that I wanted to empower women to have control over their lives and their destiny. I wanted to show them that they could truly create their own lives and that it doesn’t need to be on anybody else’s terms but their own.

MY big dream is that I want to one day lift up intelligent, smart, gifted daughters of poverty and show them – teach them – guide them – and provide the financial means for them to be able to REALISE that they have the POWER to CHOOSE their own pathway in life – free from ties of the past or fear or beliefs that are really LIES.

Because that is how I grew up. In near-poverty, with lots of mistruths around money and potential and possibility.

And I know now that is a choice that you make. To be powered over, or to claim your power. To rise up to your potential and embrace it, or to ignore it and instead be limited by lies and beliefs.

So if people want to create a book, like I did?

I will hold their hand and say YES and I will GUIDE them as to what they BELIEVE their book should be about. If they want to create mentoring sessions, just like I did? My modules will help them to BELIEVE they can do it and give them pathways and roadways into creating and owning these possibilities for themselves.

Because I would be a pretty poor mentor if I didn’t give people the chance to do that. If I didn’t honour their own choices.

If I didn’t fully and wholly believe, with every faction of my being, that the world can support MORE books for photographers and MORE mentoring and MORE courses and more of whatever it is that my Shining Lights feel compelled to create that isn’t ‘just’ shooting for a commision or booking; and that women using their powerful energies and beliefs and unique ways of working can transform this industry and support the beautiful + unique place that it is. .

And above all I believe and I teach that photographers can use the plentiful knowledge that is available to them in this world and use it to create and shape their own futures.

For me, that’s a beautiful life with my family, here.

A few more things before I finish this post.

If you still don’t believe this world needs another photography mentor or another book on photography or another course or another logo designer; I need to ask you – would you truly discourage a new photographer to the industry from trying to enter?

Because surely, that’s what unites us all here – our love of photography.  Nobody is standing up and saying ‘oh, there are too many photographers now.’  Not unless you have a complete lack mentality, in which case you are one hundred per cent right.

This program isn’t for you. This whole website is not for you. 

You no longer need to feel offended by my posts. Or by my emails in your inbox.

You no longer need to discuss the FPA to the nearest colleague who will listen, and try to pick holes in it.

You now know exactly what the FPA is, what Shining Lights is about, and why it isn’t for you.

So just unlike my page.

So just stop reading.

So just click unsubscribe.

For anyone else who feels that Shining Lights MIGHT be what they need to grow their business, you might want to know we don’t just discuss books and mentoring – that’s a very tiny part of what we do. If needed, and when necessary.

What we are most passionate about is creating a photography business that fulfills us – both financially and from a soul-filled perspective. We work on attracting our dream clients, creating a brand that truly reflects us, increasing our financial abundance (whatever that might look like), creating a streamline + simple workflow, increasing our energies, + a million and more useful things including all of that mentioned above – all upheld by a Mastermind group that celebrates one another’s successes and lifts one another up when we need it + shares useful info and truly invests in one another’s success.

In fact, I believe in Shining Lights and its value so much, that in a few short weeks the price is DOUBLING. You can find out more about the program here.  WARNING; may come with guidance on how to follow your heart + achieve your dreams.