INSPIRE

The weather is finally cooling here. I can now open my office window without a blast of heat hitting me, and instead I can sit and gaze at the blue mountains with just the tiniest whisper of breezes creeping in instead. And so I do.

I sit and I allow myself the luxury of daydreaming.

Do you do that on a regular basis, the daydreaming? It is a LUXURY that I make myself have.

And it’s not because of lack of time caused by the general mayhem of having two toddlers underfoot that prevents me from daydreaming; it’s the simple fact that I was always told that DAYDREAMING IS BAD.

I am the perpetual dreamer. The perpetual dreamer + student of the world, who loves to immerse herself in learning, in books, in lying in fields come rain or shine and at their happiest point, who just reads and daydreams and imagines herself in a million and one other places and stages and events and occasions.

Dreamers do not dream because they are dissatisfied with life, or because they need an escape, or because they do not value what they have around them- they simply dream because there is no other way.

Yet the way of the dreamer is always viewed as SO BAD, isn’t it?

As if a dreamer can not be also, at the same time, an action-taker.

Perhaps people fear the dreamer so much they worry that one day the dreamer will actually FOLLOW these dreams and perhaps risk everything they do so comfortably have;

perhaps people wonder if they will be left behind;

perhaps people are so naturally designed to FEAR risk; so that to be a dreamer, always dancing on the edge of risk and change, is why many people are nervous and uptight and negative around the dreamer-

The amount of times I have been told over the years, from school to now-

‘Stop daydreaming’

‘Is there anything more interesting out of the window?’

‘What are you staring at?’

and the worst, and the most painful

‘she’s just a dreamer’

As if it were the very WORST thing you could do or be, as if the rest of the world is going to pass you by as you sit and write and draw and shoot and as your mind wanders freely- as if that would be such a bad thing for the world to continue while you stay – gasp- happy and content and needing none of the material things in life, for you would be happy both with or without, as long as you are in pursuit of the dream–

And the worst thing is, dreaming, for the dreamer, often brings untold pain for those who don’t dream in the same way that you do.

When you set up in business, you face the (probably endless) struggle with those who simply don’t understand.

They don’t understand WHY you are doing it, they don’t understand HOW you can ever really achieve what it is you are dreaming of, and they are absolutely terrified or in disbelief of the RISK that comes along with actually following everything that you have set out to.

Or perhaps, you are blessed. And, for a moment at least, you do have support, kindness, love, from every angle.

But is this without boundary or without definition- is this true, endless, unlimited support no matter what?

Perhaps you have experienced support for a while but then when it comes to taking REAL risk – a huge business loan, spending a LOT of money on equipment, spending a large period of time overseas to follow a particular project, deciding to go in a brand new direction or make a huge new business investment- or even the day-to-day SLOG of running a business for YEARS without seeing much real FRUIT starts to seem like a liability rather than an asset-

Perhaps then you have experienced support of your dream that starts to wane and fade. The reality is that THIS LIFE- this way of the dreamer – is HARD for those attached to us. Who have fallen for the dreamers, who rely on the dreamers, who fall in love with starry eyes and spirit that is hard to capture – they WANT the romance and the adventure, but HATE the unsecurity and the RISK that comes along with being, well- YOU-

Because this is the REAL problem with being a dreamer.

The

Dreams

Don’t

Stop.

They continue and they get bigger and bigger and you dream of doing more and helping more and serving more.  Always, more more more. 

Yes you know that your own dreams leave you yourself quite breathless sometimes, and your own mind racing to catch up with itself, and even in your own heart and mind you struggle to realise – how on earth how am I actually going to DO everything that I want to do? And so you completely understand why to someone who is attached to you might not truly ever be able to get their head around what on earth you are doing or WHY you are doing it or even any of it whatsoever;  you completely understand that you come across as an overwhelming, head-exploding, big bundle of RISK to MOST PEOPLE but this doesn’t ever hold you back or stop you

Because you know

You will get there

And so you just go on and DO it, you MAKE your dreams a reality in every step that you take whether they fail or falter or fly, every movement is a movement forward.

And sometimes our REAL dreams for our business + life lay hidden for YEARS, it can be so hard to say THIS? THIS IS NO LONGER REMAINING JUST A DREAM and bringing it into the light to become the living and breathing thing that you truly WANT and desire, but the point here that I am trying to make to you is this.

You are a dreamer.

It is why you are here.

It is why you started your business in the first place.

It’s because you dared to want something MORE.

And even if you quit or leave or pause or break – the dreams have begun now, they’ve been opened and are swirling around and they will NEVER stop.

You can’t put the genie back in the bottle.

So what are you going to do, really?

Are you going to let those who refuse the way of the dreamer hold you back?

Are you going to let the ‘we can’t afford it’ the ‘your business isn’t making any money’ the ‘you’re just a dreamer’

hold you back?

And if you know damn well you’ve already popped that cork, your dreams are in full flow, everything is going beautifully or at least in the general vague direction that it is supposed to and this ISN’T defined by income or profit but instead just the feeling of KNOWING;

are you going to let those FEARS that everyone else holds for you-

the ‘don’t ruin it’ ‘don’t mess it up’ ‘don’t put all of your eggs in one basket’ ‘don’t risk what you have’

are you going to let THOSE hold you back now?!?!

If I could tell you something this morning. As I sit with my coffee, staring out at the mountains, it would be this-

WANT WHAT YOU WANT.

Dream how you want to dream.

There will always be those who love you who are risk-averse, fearful; those who think smaller than you do, or who – with terrific sadness – you seem to be pulling away from, as you follow the only path and way that you know, dreamer.

Because the thing is- they most likely will not see the world in the way that you do, when you want them to, on your timeframe, in YOUR way. 

As full of endless and unlimited opportunity, as defined by YOU.

It is not your job to be their teacher. To try to persuade or convince them otherwise. To spend your precious energy and words pouring into ears that are not ready to hear and a heart that is not ready to open.

And you do not need to leave them, just like you do not leave your dreams.

You just go on and BE.

Be who you are supposed to be, want what you want.

Because otherwise, what is the cost?

To cage yourself, in golden bars maybe, but with the spirit of who you are always seeking an exit?

To dream smaller, perhaps, or to stop dreaming all together?

To perhaps maybe, seek + find more joy in being in the present, in the everyday, in the BEING here + now- but then always to have that small part of you that you ignore, that part that whispers to you when you are alone and staring out of a window – what if…?

And that is why I take deliberate and specific time to daydream, staring at the mountains, turned towards the delicate morning.

THIS is how we forget a business grows, when we are full to the brim of deadlines and sessions and diaries and online marketing.

THIS is how the dreamer makes her dreams reality.

When the dreaming never stops.

When the dreams are nurtured.

When the dreams are given the permission they need to become a reality.

Let those who say dreaming is tiring or pointless or a waste of time say whatever it is they need to.

You know that without the dream, without the heart, without the intention, the goal, the focus-

Business? It’s just a series of steps designed to make you money, and it can and will, but happiness? You know happiness isn’t found in the money.

It’s in the pursuit of your artist’s heart + your soul + in following who you are and who you are supposed to be. It’s following that thing, that feeling- that says to you, you must do this, and do it regardless, every single day. And sometimes the words will be quiet and sometimes they will scream at you, but regardless you KNOW that you have no choice really – follow the call and be happy, or ignore it or smother it and always, always feel that PAIN- and that’s the only way to describe it – that pain of longing or wondering, for things to be different-

So right now I want to ask you –

Are you making time to deliberately daydream for yourself and your business?

Are you letting the thoughts + opinions of others, of society, hold you back from being who you are supposed to be?

Are you dreaming SMALL, or are you too scared to dream in the way that you want to for your business?

Are your daily actions moving you towards the direction of your dreams?

Who are you letting hold you back right now and what do you need to do to move forward?

Leave a comment below- I’d love to hear from fellow dreamers <3

Want to join more dreamers + BIG ACTION TAKERS in business? Check out Shining Lights, here.

There are hugely brilliant days in business, and there are hugely sad and awful and tough days in business.

There are days when you feel elated, on cloud nine, and there are days when you feel like you’re not quite sure if you can hold it all together for much longer and you’re a pin-cushion waiting to implode upon the next pin.

For many of us, that sense of terrific FAILURE- because there is no other word for it,  those days when it feels like your business is about to truly and spectacularly fail- come out of the blue.

Because it comes with an email from a client that takes your breath away.

There you are, quite happy in your work – blissfully happy, even. Perhaps that’s why- I wonder often whether there is an unwritten law of balance in the Universe, where you are not allowed to be entirely happy for too long. Because you can be creative and in flow and running your business beautifully and everything is all going to plan

And then an email from a client – a client you cared about, felt you connected with, spend time emotionally investing into your session – knocks you over.

And your heart kind of feels like it’s being squeezed and you can feel it speeding up at the same time and your thoughts begin to swim as you try and regain some sense of understanding.

‘what? I just don’t understand!’ followed by tears – and there have been many tears. 

Because that’s the thing with complaint clients, isn’t it? often they come without warning, or perhaps even if you know they are brewing they sometimes come at you with such force your body reacts physically. You can’t eat, sleep, and can’t think straight. Your head goes around in circles trying to figure out what on earth happened.

All you can think about is this, and it consumes you from the inside out. 

And if you’ve never had a complaint? Congratulations. I salute you.

But this is reality for those of you reading this who do know what it’s like to stand in these shoes, to be here as your business sits in front of your eyes and you feel it falling away from you; this thing you love, the thing you work so hard for; as you watch someone take repeated blows at it.

And that’s just it – no matter how hard you work, no matter how much integrity or love or courage or dedication you give to your business – you just cannot make every single person happy. 

Perhaps there was something that went wrong beyond your control. Perhaps there is something you did that others would have done differently. Perhaps your kit failed, perhaps your communication wasn’t flawless, perhaps you took on too much but struggled through it, perhaps your personalities just clashed, perhaps there were other emotions and circumstances that were involved but you became the unwitting target of emotion, perhaps there were any number of reasons + infinity why you received these words, these words that drown you from within, because the bottom line is we are all so very human-

and we screw up.

We screw up small time and we screw up big time and we screw up without even realising we have screwed up and we screw up and fail to meet the expectations of others and we screw up in any number of ways that we are often not even aware of until

BOOM

out of nowhere comes the list of accusations, truths, mistruths, heightened emotions and passion.

And you’re left wondering – where the hell did I sign up for THIS??

And darling, you didn’t. 

Nobody signs up for this.

Nobody would CHOOSE to have this happen to them, and no matter what we do to prevent them from happening sometimes SHIT HAPPENS.

And you can’t do a thing about it no matter how much you care or cry and want to change everything even though at the time there is nothing you could have done differently anyway, and even now you probably wouldn’t because the reality is

You can’t please everybody all of the time, and

Not everybody will love you.

In fact some people will downright hate you and go out of their way to make hurtful comments, share how crap you are on facebook and in their social circle and online, and basically do everything they can to make your life a misery.

Why? who knows why?

It doesn’t matter. 

All that matters is that this hurts. It hurts beyond belief.

Yes you can remain calm. Professional. Provide the expected apologies, ask what you can do make this better but the real hard truth is sometimes

You just can’t make this better. Not on the inside- your inside.

And that is what really SUCKS in business.

You just can’t make this agony better, and you can’t fix it, and nobody seems to quite grasp that feeling that is haunting you all day long, that sticks with you day in day out, even if you did NOTHING WRONG –

You still feel desperately, desperately sad, because this is your business + your baby and you’ve worked so hard for this and then- THIS!

That feeling like everyone is talking about you behind your back.

The unfairness.

The unjustness.

The FEAR and of COURSE I was afraid!

Afraid I couldn’t fix something I didn’t even know I had broken.

Afraid of broken relationships in a life and world full of broken relationships. Afraid of  the loss- the emotional loss because if you’re anything like me then you truly CARE about your clients, they’re NEVER just another pay cheque to you, but people you actually CONNECT with and like, even adore, and you fear the loss and the disapproval and another thing – aren’t we all raised to want to be loved? We fear that even if we don’t know it, even if it’s from complete strangers let alone people you care about which is why we all give a damn about online trolls and they still hurt us even if we know they are meaningless-  

All our emotion bound up in fear that you’re not even sure what to do with anymore.

And the worst part is? You feel alone.

Like this is the worst thing that could happen (you know it isn’t) and like this will never rest (eventually- it will because everything does eventually) and like this will change your entire life (and worst case scenario – it might, but who is to say that change might not be for the better and was ordained BECAUSE the change is necessary)?

and that you can’t tell anyone and barely dare not even WHISPER it to other photographers because hey- they’ll think you’re a complete FAILURE right? Like you REALLY MESSED UP in a way that NO OTHER PHOTOGRAPHER WOULD DO (even if you didn’t you still FEEL like this is how they’ll think) and so you dare not say a word and you just sit and feel miserable, and wretched, and alone.

Well, I’m writing to tell you that you’re not alone. 

This has happened to me.

It’s really crap and it really hurts. AND – shocker – it was one of the reasons I decided to quit shooting weddings.

Not because I am a quitter. Not because I don’t take criticism and use it to grow.

But because this experience showed me that there was another way for ME.

That I needed to bring more of what I LOVE into my photography business and use THAT. Writing, coaching, mentoring, blogging- I was doing all of those things anyway, I just decided to do more of them, and shoot less. Because that was what this taught me.

But still- the storm lingers and refuses to leave. 

But that’s ok -because it just shows us what we have to do. What we are SUPPOSED to do. 

Because? the even tougher truth is, this is business.

Every day in every single business across the world, items are being returned, complaints are being made, other business owners screw up and fail in a myriad of ways.

It’s part and parcel of being in business. That’s not me being blase and telling you not to care, but it should give you 

-perspective on the reality – and that’s what you need first and foremost. 

This NOT the end of your business, or your life, or your career, or your future, and the whole world isn’t going to hate you. 

Although you KNOW all this really , don’t you? But the reality is – dealing with this stuff is SO HARD, and it’s the stuff they DON’T tell you about in workshops, or in class– about how you will FEEL when this happens. 

And when this happens, when you feel like this – all you can do is follow one more cliche-

-Ride out the storm.

But it’s true. Ride out the rainy days in business, even if they are tough and hard and FEEL lonely

Because we know – that this happens to all of us. Even the best of us. I’m not the first photographer this has happened to – in fact almost every photographer I’ve ever worked with has had this happen in one way or another.

And it won’t break you. It will simply bend and shape and mould you and point you in the direction in which you are meant to go. 

Perhaps you will change pathway all together, like I have done.

Or perhaps you will carry on down the same route, and it will be no less beautiful and no less shiny for you. 

But whatever route you end up along, as the storm and winds lash you and you want to cry out – this is enough! I’ve had enough! Know this-

I will stand with you. Photographers all over the world, all who have been at the receiving end of bitching, of criticism, of unkindness, of untruthfulness, of hurt and lies and pain and confusion – they all stand with you too. 

We have all been there. 

You are not alone. 

I understand. And I want to take your hurt and pain away, but distraction does a good job too- ten minutes downstairs with my beautiful daughters completely refreshed my perspective and made me get a grip on the world again, to know that as long as we are all ok- I AM OK-

But for those times when you feel alone-

These words are for you. 

This is business. You are getting better at it every time you fail. So let the winds carry you where they may. Feel the emotion but do not fear it.

In the end, it doesn’t matter – and this is not the end.

It’s just a storm, storms pass,

and know you do not stand in this one alone. 

Love + Light xox

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